just in case anyone reading yesterday's entry thinks that I'm feeling sorry for myself, or sorry to be myself, or just plain sorry, let me rephrase...

vertigo is a trip.

It's like the world becomes a very mobile and unpredictable place.

Once I sort of get the hang of a particular outbreak (I don't know what else to call it?) I can roll with it, it makes me feel quite literally as if I'm always just pleasantly drunk. Without any of the annoying side effects like telling the same stories over and over again. Or wanting to kiss random people. (Oh, no, wait, scratch that, the random kissing urge still happens. not related to the vertigo)

This evening I went to my police volunteer group meeting, and for some obscure reason I left my purse sitting on a bush in the driveway. Along with my coat and my notebook. I got to the meeting clutching a pen I had in my pocket, and Dale, who was sitting by the door said, "You'll need some paper" and I said, "I've left my bag and my notebook sitting in my driveway." He said, because he's 67 and worries about these things, "You should phone home and tell them to bring it inside" Then I realized my phone was in the pocket of my bag... One of the officers lent me his phone, but I could tell by the look on his face that he had filed me in the "dippy chick" file, and that if I ever call to report anything missing, he's going to tell me to check the bushes in my driveway.

The lottery people called me today and asked if I'd be interested in another booth. One at a mall closer to home. That makes a lot of money. I said yes.

I have been, for the last three weeks or so, having a nasty bout of vertigo. I fell in the kitchen last night, quite worried Kirsten. I still haven't gone to the doctor, but Mum actually came round one day and looked after the kids. I had woken up in the middle of the night to find that I couldn't get out of bed because I had bed-spins, despite having nothing contributory to drink since Graeme was here. Mum called in the morning while I was still in bed, and after I answered the phone the room started to spin and down I went. When I explained what had happened, as I had dropped the phone, saying, "Oh, no big deal, I got dizzy and fell down", she said, "I'll be right over." I argued with her, saying, no, I was ok, and she hung up, only to call back two minutes later and tell me she wasn't taking that for an answer, and she'd really be right over. Kirsten was horrified, and told me disgustedly that she could have looked after me. I didn't really need looking after, but Mum made pancakes for the kids, which they appreciated, and I had to go to meet my territory manager in the afternoon, and it was useful to have someone to drive me, if nothing else.

I think, however, that I am going to wait a bit longer to see the doctor. I don't want to hear that it's "nothing, just stress", again, and I equally don't want to hear that it's MS. So, until I get thoroughly disabled, I will continue to work and volunteer and study and tell people, "I have floaters" when they ask why I don't drive, and "oh, this hand is stupid", when they ask why I'm wearing a wrist brace....

because I am such a good mom, (feel free to laugh, I won't be offended) I agreed to go down to the Bingo Palace tonight and be the designated money-handing-out volunteer for the kids' school. The parent group, to which I do not belong and never will, is supposed to send two volunteers six times a year to help out at a four-hour bingo session. The poor man who is in charge of getting volunteers has a hell of a time convincing people to come out and help. I like him, he's very earnest, and I don't mind going and spending a late evening in his company. He told me tonight that I'm the only person who never turns him down / stands him up. I've come every time he's asked me. Even though I hate it and there's too much smoke, which makes me have nic fits in the morning. What I find amusing is that all these other parents have plenty of time to go to meetings at the school and be the parent committee, but when it comes to bingo, which makes us a whole load of money, they either say they'll come and then don't, or they have much more important things to do...