Mamm-o-gram

So for the last 18 months or so, I've been trying to get myself an appointment for a mammogram. My mother's sister got breast cancer at age 37, and died when I was 15 and she was 47. My grandmother had breast cancer, my mother's other sister had a female internal organ cancer. Mum's doctor told her that she should tell me, because of family history, to get a baseline mammogram at age 40.

So I went to the health centre around the time I turned 40, and asked (nicely) for a referral. My plan was to get it done while I was in Alberta on holiday. At first that was going well, and the nurse I saw said it shouldn't be a problem for me to get one. Then a week later I got a nasty phone call from someone else, saying that I wasn't eligible for 'medical travel' because mammograms were not covered until women are 50. I said, no, I don't want a trip, I'm going anyway, I just need a referral. There was silence for a while, and eventually I visited, and was told I couldn't even get a referral until I was 50. That's the rules.

So this spring when I went for my yearly checkup, I inquired again. Bob, the nurse I saw this time, bless his heart, did some research for me. (I pointed out, yet again, that I didn't want a trip. Just the piece of paper, please) He found that if a person has more than one close relative with breast cancer the recommendation is that she get a mammogram at 40, even here.

I'm going to Edmonton and Calgary next week. I knew this about a month ago, and I called the health centre again to see if I could make some arrangements. This time I called a nurse I knew would listen to what I was saying (Bob's gone, or I'd have called him.) and she called the clinic in Edmonton and found that I needed a doctor's signature.

So I went in the week before last to see the doctor. He had a website that he showed me, and he was calculating my risk. Apparently I have a 37.5% chance of developing breast cancer in my lifetime. But only a 0.5% chance in the next five years, so I figure I better get busy.

He signed the paper. I left it at the front desk, and went home.

Last week I started calling to see who was doing what with my paper. The call I got back, on Thursday, was another nurse, who told me she had made me a appointment in Yellowknife on the 10th of September for a mammogram...

No, no, no.

I explained, and she dubiously promised to try and get me an appointment in Edmonton. When I got off the phone, I said to Miguel, if I get breast cancer while I'm waiting for them to figure this out, I'm gonna sue them. He said he'd help.

In the end, I have a mammogram appointment IN EDMONTON on Friday of next week. You'd think, with the amount of trouble this took, that I was asking for state-funded breast implants or something. Nobody would really think that someone would want a mammogram for fun, would they? Like, frivolously?

my little universe

I was reading the other day that 96% of all weblogs have not been updated in the last four months. Certainly the bloggers in my little universe have become much quieter of late. Even me.

So what happened?

When I first got access to the internet, in the form of bulletin boards, back in 1991, I spent time trading quips with strangers. Then I got the full internet in 1995, the whole experience, and I spent time writing poetry with strangers. I went on to write a Diaryland diary and traded comments back and forth with some other Diarylanders. When I shut down my Diaryland diary and moved to Blogspot, I got some new blog friends (Ed and Delia, also people I had never met) and we commented on each others' blogs. As time went by, more people that I knew in my (I hesitate to call it real) life were reading my weblog.

Then I joined Facebook. I have I think 80 some-odd friends there, mostly people who I either see in the street or have been around in person for some period of time in my life. (Except Delia and two people who added me thinking I'm the Kate who used to live here but is now in Ottawa).

Kirsten told me the other day that one of her teachers has read my weblog from start to finish.

Ed, before he shut down his wonderful blog, talked about the amount of editing and censoring he had to do.

The reason I shut down my Diaryland diary was that I was having marital difficulties while I was writing it, and I became uneasy that so much of my ballistic psyche was on the net. So many of my complaints and sarcasm. And since Miguel never read it, it was pretty one-sided. I was playing it for the story value. Yeah, exaggerating the angst. And re-reading it makes me re-feel all those jagged emotions and self-pity. And I don't like it.

I can't talk about my work in my blog. Even if I were to change everybody's names and tweak the situations, I worry that someone would find out who and where I was, and the powers-that-be would make an example of me.

And so, if I had to say why I think people aren't updating their blogs, I would go for: one in eleven minutes spent on the internet now is on a social networking site. The internet is becoming more about the people you know than the people you don't know. And for the people you know, you have to edit. You can't complain about them. Can't tell the work stories. Can't exaggerate. And if you can't fit it into a status line, chances are your readership will tire and move on to look at cottage pictures and videos of dachshund-that-plays-fetch-with-himself.

anyway.

I'm dieting. Trying to lose the last ten pounds that the exercise isn't budging. I gotta say, I haven't yet developed a taste for whole-wheat pasta, and yogurt with Splenda still makes my stomach hurt. Although if I don't think too hard about it, plain oatmeal with skim milk and strawberries is not too too bad.

Because, to motivate myself, I need to be able to drag my body through the trek to Everest. I've stopped eating sugar altogether and that's been the hardest thing so far.

through the clouds

we went to Starvation Cove on Sunday. I should have been working, because I have a mass of stuff to do and I'm not getting it done fast enough, but it was a sunny day and I decided to skip out and go on the trip. It was a beautiful drive, on the beach and over the anomalous pile of rocks to the Cove where the fish were rumoured to be currently hanging out.

the road to Mount Pelly

So yesterday I walked out to Mount Pelly. About 15kms I think, took me a bit under three hours. It turned out to be a perfect day, about 10 degrees with a light wind at my back to keep away the bugs, I needed a hat but didn't get too warm walking. The whole area is full of muskox, a couple of detours were necessary to avoid them. I've never seen them charge people but I've heard they do. One of the muskox detours was a bit muddy, the deep sticky mud that the tundra is so good at. When I got out to the cabin, I made coffee and sat in the porch for a while listening to the wind.

This picture is about three quarters of the way out. But the road is all like that.

exodus

Jordan left for Ottawa today. He's gone to a sexual health conference with his mom. I know, that sounds strange.

Kirsten started guarding. She seems to be taking it all in her stride.

Ian and Rachel are off to Whitehorse tomorrow, and Miguel's going fishing with my new boss on Saturday, so it should be a quiet weekend here...

everest

Well, over the last month or so I've been making my arrangements. I'm booked on this. I asked my boss if I could have most of April off next year, and he said, sure. Then as I was walking out of his office he said, "Where are you going?" I replied, over my shoulder, "Oh, I'm going to Nepal." He said, "You're going where?"

I'm flying to Hong Kong and then to Kathmandu. It's going to take about four days to get there, from here.

graduating

aren't they pretty?

Going home

Things I will miss about Hawaii:

- pineapple punch
- drinks with dark rum
- sitting on the deck in the morning with coffee and a book
- our lizard
- wearing my skirts and my new blue wrap
- driving with Rachel
- someone coming in while I'm out, to do the housework
- sunset on the beach
- sitting in the hot tub and watching the palm trees


Today I actually got up before seven, so as to get more time... We packed our stuff slowly, went for a last wistful walk on the beach, then checked out.

Our plans were to go to the Aquarium and then have supper before our flight, for some reason we thought that would fill our day. The aquarium was fun, sharks and turtles and we took lots of close-up blurry fish pictures. Of course, we were done there by 12:30... not really suppertime. So, the Sugar Museum, which was a bit old-people-ish, the Bailey House Museum which was more interesting, and the Iou Valley, where they filmed a bit of Jurassic Park. Now we're waiting for a plane...

almost over

It is Thursday. Tomorrow we go home. Yesterday, as I was sitting on the deck with my book, listening to the waves and the birds, I realized that I was completely relaxed.

Rachel and I have both found that we tend to tire of 'activities' quickly...

The luau was a lot of fun. The dancers seemed oddly jubilant, barely suppressing laughter, and we caught their mood. Food was hot and fresh, pig and chicken and lots of fruit.

The sun has gone down. We built a sand igloo on the beach, and took pictures of it before the waves could wash it away. It's been a good trip, a fun experience and an excellent time with Rachel.

When I was on the phone with Ian the other day, dolphins were swimming by in the ocean, outside the window.

Tuesday

Yesterday we did drive to Makena, and saw the lava fields. I had imagined a smooth surface, but the lava was all chunky. The road was frighteningly narrow, and there were a few too many cars for the circumstances. We found a beach, Big Beach, where the waves were crashing, and Rachel filled her swimsuit with sand. I always find that I'm nervous about our stuff, that someone will wander by and steal our sweaty shoes and damp towels. I'm forever chcking for room key, wallet, rental car keys.

We've been listening to the soundtrack to Mamma Mia, endlessly, and singing along. I think it will probably now always take me back to road-tripping with Rachel, and palm trees, and winding roads.

Today we went up to Haleakala, the volcano, Rachel was brave and suppressed her fears. Steep switchback roads up through beautiful countryside, views down 10,00 feet and I can see why they would think the gods lived up there, on the roof of the world. Apparently sunrise is the time to be up there, but I can't see myself doing those roads in the dark, somehow. Tomorrow, a luau.

Mother's day

Lanai and Molokai have their heads in the clouds this morning. I've got wet hair and coffee, and Rachel is burrowed under the covers, promising to get up by eight so we can go snorkeling. (One L or two in snorkelling? that was the biggest question yesterday).

I fell asleep at 9PM last night, and I'm up now, 7:30. I dreamt a lot. I can feel my brain reorganizing. I don't even really want to read.

Yesterday we walked along the beach to Lahaina. Rachel said to me, is this what you do, just walk? But she swam back, and I walked alongside. Today a catamaran is booked, to take us out. Miguel, whom I talked to last night, is jealous.

Snork

Snorkeling was awesome, I'd forgotten the feeling of floating gently above the fish, and the clicking sound the water makes in your ears. I'm more sunburnt, and tired, but it was totally worth it. At one point, I looked down, and a big brown turtle, the size of a large manhole cover, was swimming below me, looking around. I also saw some eels, and a couple of rays swimming together, like underwater bats. Tomorrow we're going on a road trip to Makena, I think.

Hawaii, baby

Rachel is in the pool. Not a surprise, really. I'm sitting on our deck, from which I can see, I'm told, the islands of Molokai and Lanai. This morning we took our Arctic College bag up to the supermarket to do the bits of shopping - sunscreen, a towel, Kona coffee, water for Rachel, fresh mango ice cream, which is amazing, the richest, creamiest fruit ice cream I've ever tasted. French bread and cheese for lunch, and pasta for dinner. We have a kitchen.

I didn't think the prices were high in the store, but the lady who did the Aloha breakfast this morning seemed to think they were.

we're off

Vancouver Airport and we are early. Very early, the checkout counters haven't even opened yet. We are off to Hawaii, Rachel and I, for our week-in-the-sun. The alarm going at 3AM had me startled out of bed and rushing, but I think we could have slept a little longer. Oh well.

watch out

this is a quote from a website I was looking at earlier:

"If you are over the age of 40, have a clinical breast examination by a trained health professional at least every 2 years."

and it made me laugh, because I was thinking, yeah, don't get one of those untrained amateurs to 'examine' your breasts. the ones who hang around outside the washrooms at Sears...

my daybook

home alone

Put Rach on the plane today. Now it's just me and Joeby hangin' out til Tuesday. I made eggplant in black bean sauce last night, and was planning to have it for supper today with no-one to complain about the look/smell of such. Went to work for a while and did the things that needed doing, came home and it was almost five o'clock so I thought, ok, I'll have my dinner. Read my book while I was eating my lovely eggplant, but by ten after five it was all done and cleared away and I looked at the clock and thought, "now what?". Had a nap, Mum phoned to ask if I was lonely, and woke me up, which she always thinks is funny. Then I was contemplating a walk when the phone rang again, and it was an invitation to go do Ukrainian Easter eggs. So I went to do that, but I'm home again now, making toast and thinking about going to bed.

In the solitude I can listen to CBC in the kitchen, (it's playing right now) and not have the tv on if I don't want to, talk to the dog and my plants, take really long baths (we only have one bathroom and someone always has to go) hang around in my pajamas and watch as many back-to-back episodes of The First 48 as I want without anybody demanding to play Call of Duty, play my guitar without an audience (I still suck).

I've got a book I've been waiting to read, we're planning a service for Easter Sunday that should be quite beautiful, and tomorrow if the weather's nice I'm going to walk across the bay and take some pictures. I'm invited to Easter dinner with the other abandoned spouses, I'm making a ham, Peter's making a turkey and Gord's promised pumpkin pie and other stuff. (Karen and Patti, their spouses, are in Italy with Miguel and all the kids.)

experiments in calligraphy

with the set of brushes I got for Christmas

Hi, my name is Kate, and I'm a chocoholic.

Yeah, the universe is making this giving up chocolate thing very difficult.

So far in the last week I've been offered: chocolate bars (including the world's largest dark-chocolate-and-almond one brought back from YK by my new boss) chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chip cake (this one was HARD to resist) double chocolate cookies from a bake sale... and I'm sure some I've forgotten.

I really like chocolate. The hardest thing about the period of time when I wasn't eating any animal products was the lack of chocolate... and cheese. I like the way chocolate takes so long to eat, how it coats the inside of my mouth with soft sweetness, and the afterbite of the cocoa before the next creamy bite.

I'm not really helping myself, here. I should just go to bed. I just wanted you all to know that I really am making a sacrifice. A significant self-denial. I was thinking I might start stockpiling all the chocolate that's offered to me and then eat it all at once in a huge chocolatic binge when Easter comes but I suspect that's not the point either. oh well.

Random stuff

"One Breath" in the second season of the X-Files

"We Were So Far Away" - an exhibition featuring eight Inuit Residential School Survivors.