Got vaccinated on Wednesday.

On the way there in the car, I started thinking about how if they'd done this four months ago, I might have been able to go and visit Dad before he died.  This line of thinking was a deep and direct hole into the hell of would/could/should have and...

So I'm sitting there at the table, waiting for the nurse to give me the shot and she's talking, talking, talking and asking me about my health history and then explaining the vaccine and suddenly I realize I'm about to start crying and there's nothing I can do about it.  So I let it happen.  She was unperturbed, gave me the shot anyway.  She thought I was crying because I was scared of being poisoned by the vaccine but that wasn't it.  I just kept thinking of Dad saying that he would be the first in line for the vaccination if it meant that he could see his family and go back to his normal life.  He never got to do that.  Too late...

Anyway.  No ill effects so far.  Nurse said I was very brave.  I didn't get a sticker, though.  disappointed about that.  

Last night I dreamt Dad was still alive and for some reason wanted a puppy.  So I was looking for one for him.