You know what's funny? (I know, I'm up too late. I'm not going to want to get up in the morning.)

Everything you do, in your life, while it's happening it all seems so random, somehow. But then one day you move on to something else and you look back, and you think, hey, did I do that for a reason? And even if you didn't do it for a reason, it all comes together and knits itself into a life. All the things I've done, and all the things that have happened to me, they add up to 39 years of stuff that didn't seem to have a plan at the time, and yet if I look back I've been going in the same direction all along.

Is that funny, or what? (Yeah, it's late. It made sense in my head. Really. Blame Prince. Electric word life / It means forever and that's a mighty long time)

Long day today. I'm in bed now. Because, when I'm the only one in the bed (well, unless you count Joeby) I can bring my laptop with me. And I can have all the pillows. In the last month I've spent four days, I think, with Miguel. And he's not back for another week yet, either. But he did call today, and all is going well in Europe. He and Kirsten were at Vimy the day before the Queen.

I was watching General Hospital. One of the characters, Jason, is meant to be the strong silent type, and Elizabeth, someone he's not currently in a relationship with, is having his baby. This situation calls for a lot of dramatic shots of Jason looking pained and conflicted. Ian, who was hanging about and pretending he doesn't watch GH, said to me, "Jason have big thinky brain. Big thinky brain must decide what to do about the baby." (I'm not trying to claim that Ian made this up, I know it's from Futurama, where the giant brains try to take over the earth) Then tonight I was dozing on the couch. I woke up to hear some really not-so-good American Idol-hopeful singing, and said to Ian, who was just turning off Mortal Kombat, "She's not very good." He replied, "I would imagine that's why she's wearing those shorts." I had to tell him later that Simon agreed with him.

I think I've spent so many years explaining things to the kids that I somehow don't think they legitimately have a thought unless I, or someone else, gave it to them? Don't get me wrong, I love it when they surprise me. When they told me not so long ago that if I help them with their Scrabble letters it means that I'm really just playing against myself... Heck, that's worked for years. I basically used play a four handed game of Scrabble, looking at everyone's letters and telling them what words to make and where to put them.

Rachel had a sleepover the other night. Three friends, and I said they could sleep in the living room and play video games and stay up as late as they wanted. I went to bed and put my IPod earphones on and listened to Prince. Next day her friends asked me not to tell their parents they stayed up late. I said, "Did you stay up late?" Rachel told me later that they had decided that I didn't count as a Parent. That I could be trusted to know that they hadn't gone to sleep until three AM. It's spring break. They have no school. I went to work in the morning and let them sleep in, came back to make them pancakes at 11:30. They had eight hours of sleep. Whatever. One of my very vivid childhood memories is of a sleepover I went to at a girl named Kim's house, when I was about Rachel's age. We stayed up pretty much all night, talking and laughing and playing games, and her parents went to bed and never came out and yelled at us once. And her mom made us breakfast in the morning like nothing had happened.

Happy Easter. It's very quiet here, without Miguel, Kirsten, and Ian. Rachel and I have been hanging out. We made snickerdoodles this afternoon, and yesterday we watched all the episodes of General Hospital that were recorded while I was away. I really like the PVR on the satellite tv. I know, I could probably think of a better use for that particular feature, something educational, but Luke's back on GH and so at the moment, I'm in.

Work is fantastic. I missed it so much. I feel all happy, inside. Even getting the truck stuck in the snow yet again today didn't upset me. I shouldn't drive. I should just walk. I haven't even set foot in the truck since Miguel left, but tonight Rachel persuaded me that she really needed a ride to her friend's place. I managed to move the truck about ten feet before getting it stuck. She walked. I spent about 45 minutes trying different things - wood and dog food and floor mats and cardboard under the wheels, and dug a whole lot of snow out from underneath it. No luck. Then my new neighbours showed up and made 'damsel in distress' comments, and pulled it out in about three seconds. So I emailed Miguel and told him we had to add them to the list of those who have helped me extricate the truck and other vehicles from sand/mud/snow/flat tires. It's a long list.

Tomorrow we're having Easter dinner with the other abandoned spouses. And children. I think it comes out to 3 adults and 8 or 9 children. Rachel and I are bringing salad. The truck is now parked in the detachment parking lot, behind the house, rather than in the driveway, so I might even be able to drive there....

Today I went back to work.

And when I say that, I mean, at the best job in the world, once again. The lady whose maternity leave I filled last year (who came back early) has gone again, and I have another six month contract. And it is still the best job. And it was so good to be back.

I'm sleepy tonight. But it's good. I know that tomorrow I get to go to work and be happy. Miguel is off to Europe with Kirsten tomorrow, he's chaperoning the high school tour of the Canadian battlefields, and they're both excited. And Ian's going to Yellowknife on Friday for a cadet rifle-shooting competition. So next weekend Rachel and I will be having Easter dinner with the two husbands left behind by the female chaperones. We're going to cook a turkey.

Everyone left Lorne on the Thursday, except me. Roy and Robyn went off to Adelaide, Graeme, Rae, Mum, and Dad went back to Melbourne so Mum and Dad could go for their week in Fiji.

I stayed. I got a room at the Erskine River Backpackers hostel, and did some more hiking for a couple of days.

The snake sign is at the beginning of the trail to Allenvale. I walked up the beach from Lorne to the St. George River. I looked at the sign, decided I wasn't planning to camp so I wouldn't worry about it, and set off up the trail. It was a quiet and soothing walk, through the forest with singing birds, lorakeets and cockatoos and king parrots all around. At Allenvale I found the trail for Phantom Falls, and continued on. It was a bit uphill. Eventually, the trail went down into a canyon and another sign announced Phantom Falls. Phantom was a good name, certainly, because they weren't there. Down at the bottom of the dry canyon, an older man was having his lunch. I was a bit worried about that, as I was now about 10k from town, and as you may know, I read far too many true crime books.

As it turned out, he was the least of my worries. I went around a fallen tree and started walking down towards the staircase up out of the canyon, and things slithered out of my way. Snakes. Skinny little things. With brown heads. Snakes were turning their heads to look at me disdainfully, and then continuing on their way. I made some squeaky incoherent noises, leapt back, and went to turn around. More snakes. Still squeaking, I walked a few more steps. Three or four more snakes decided that they needed to leave one side of the path for the other side. I made some more noises, and then somewhere in my head, under the hysteria, I knew that I couldn't turn back, as it was too hot and I didn't have enough liquids left to hike back the 10 or 12 k I had already come. Presumably, since I hadn't seen a single snake until this point, they hung out in the canyon. The snake pit. If I could get up to the staircase and get out of the canyon, I probably wouldn't see any more. So I set off, stomping my feet and yelling, "Snakes, get out of my way, snakes, I'm coming through, I hate snakes, and you don't have ears anyway but it makes me feel better to yell, snakes, coming through" until I reached the staircase. Sure enough, once up and out there were no more. Although, before my heart returned to normal, something wrapped itself around my ankle and I went hysterical again for a second or two before I realized it was a piece of bark.

I don't know. I figure the guy sitting at the bottom of the canyon must have heard me. If so, I hope he got a good laugh...

A kookaburra and his family visited us, at the Lorne house. And Roy and Robyn and I went out to the Gray River koala reserve. Koalas were all over, in the trees, and they were fast asleep. We were talking to this one and he didn't even stir. Roy wanted to pet him, but Robyn and I talked him out of it.

I liked Lorne. Did a lot of walking there, too. I especially enjoyed a hike up through dry forest to reach a lookout, with this view.

And after the wedding we drove up the Great Ocean Road towards Lorne, where a house had been rented for all of us to stay in for the week.

It was warm in Melbourne. Much hotter than home. 28 degrees. I took full advantage of it, spent every minute I could outside. It'll be a while here before we're outside without parkas and toques and mitts on.

Melbourne is a good city to walk around. I think I wore out my shoes. For most of the time I was by myself, as Dad isn't up to walking much anymore and everyone else had wedding preparation things to do. Except Robyn, so she and I took the tram to St. Kilda, the morning before the wedding, and walked on the seafront.

The wedding was held at Montsalvat, a beautiful place that used to be an artist's colony.

This picture is taken from the back of the Old Melbourne Gaol. I spent quite a long time reading all the exhibits on the walls, and was interested to see that it is possible, according to one death certificate, to die of too much 'self-stimulation'. We have a few regular visitors to our cell-block at home who might benefit from that little bit of information.

Australia was an adventure. Partly because I was escorting my parents on the Vancouver to Melbourne portion of the journey. My dad, who's now seventy, did very well, he was cheerful and excited to be going, but the trip brought into stark relief, for me, my mother's increasing mental confusion and emotional fragility. She had a couple of bouts of alcohol-induced tearfulness, which, to my chagrin, I found very annoying. I would like to think that I could be sympathetic, but I guess the past year or so of dealing with the emotions of drunks in cells, I find that I'm just not. You're drunk. You're crying. Yeah, you and all the other drunks. Oh, right. You're my mother.

There were funny moments, though. Mum has been given a walkman, and she likes it. She puts the headphones on and sings along. People gave her some funny looks. Also, on the plane when she was listening to her music, she kept thinking of things to say to me, while she was still hooked up to the walkman, and yelling them in my ear. At one point, when the flight attendants were about four rows away, she suddenly shrieked, "Tell them I'll have white wine!". Everyone around giggled, even the happy flight attendants (Air Pacific cabin crews are the most laid-back on the planet) but then when they came by, they gave her red wine and she didn't notice until my father pointed it out.

Well, Blogger is giving me a hard time, I'm not having any luck uploading the pictures of my trip. But I'll try again.

I'm jet-lagged. I feel strange and out of synch. Rachel's teacher, Christy, says it's because your soul only travels as fast as a horse, and so you have to wait for it to catch up. So I guess my soul is swimming around in the Pacific. Hopefully it knows I came back home, and it doesn't have to swim all the way to Australia and back. Because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have arrived in Australia before I left. I keep falling asleep when I sit down. And my brain is anxious. And my feet are still swollen.

Happy Feet, yes, Ed, is a cartoon about penguins. I don't even remember what the scene was that made me cry, some boy-penguin/girl-penguin thing. I get emotional when I fly.

This is Delia's tag.

1. Where is your cell phone? I do not own one. They don't work up here.
2. Your spouse? Watching American Idol
3. Your hair? Down my back. And orange, again.
4. Your mother? In Tahiti.
5. Your father? Ditto.
6. Your favorite thing? Rachel.
7. Your dream last night? I don't know, but I woke up in a hotel room and didn't know where I was.
8. Your favorite drink? Grapefruit pop.
9. Your dream car? I'd rather have a button-start snowmobile. I get tired of putting my shoulder out pulling the start cord.
10. The room you are in? Dining room. Where I can hear American Idol but not see it. And Rachel is standing next to me.
11. Your ex? Ex what?
12. Your fear? Dying.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Exactly what I am right now.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? The bartender at Montana's. And Madonna. I couldn't sleep so I watched Desperately Seeking Susan.
15. What you’re not? A good housekeeper
16. Muffins? Blueberry. Or Lemon.
17. One of your wish list items? Snowmobile as above.
18. Your dinner tonight? Chicken.
19. The last thing you ate? Strawberries after Cubs.
20. What are you wearing? Green shirt I bought yesterday, jeans, my bracelets from Tahiti, Grannie's cross.
21. Your tv? Is currently tuned to American Idol.
22. Your pet?Joeby, who is a goof but very loyal.
23. Your computer? My mother-in-law's old laptop.
24. Your life? Wheeee.
25. Your mood? Really good. I'm home with my family.
26. Your holidays? Oh, just did that.
27. What are you thinking about right now? How to get Rachel to stop putting herself down.
28. Your car? Don't have one.
29. Your work? I start MONDAY woohoooo.
30. Summer? Well, it'll be here. It's still minus 20 or so. But I'm sure it coming.
31. Your relationship status? Good, I think...
32. Your dream vacation? Hiking anywhere. With Rachel.
33. When is the last time you laughed? Very recently.
34. Last time you cried? On the trip home. About Happy Feet. I was tired...
35. School? Well, not at the moment, but I don't rule out the possibility of a Master's. When I'm done having fun up here.

The wedding was beautiful and all concerned happy about the outcome. I'll put pictures up when I get home, they got married in a beautiful artist's colony, and the reception was at a 30's dancehall. Very elegant. Graeme and his new wife had even learnt to tango so they could do that as their first dance.

Other than that I've been wandering around, down on the waterfront and in the town, it's so nice to be out without a parka! And drinking beer. I like Victoria Bitter, and have been spending some quality time in its company...

Anyway. I'm in the library now. Roy and Robyn are off to get a rental car, and tomorrow we're going up the Great Ocean Road, where Graeme's rented a house for us all to stay in, on the beach, and we're going to go surfing....

I am in Melbourne. I got up this morning and ditched my parents. I heard them at the door but I hid upstairs. I got them here, my responsibillity is over. Anyway. I've taken the train downtown and I'm just wandering around. Such a beautiful city, all the old buildings and the new shiny ones. Gonna go see the Old Melbourne Gaol, I think. I'm loving the warmth. And the sunshine. And being alone. More later....

Yesterday I was idly watching television after supper, and the phone rang. On the other end was the young woman working in the guardroom, asking me if I'd come in to work until midnight. When I arrived (now that we've moved I'm about 2 minutes away including coat-putting-on time) she had her coat on and she ran off.

Only one cell was occupied, and it was a man I know. He greeted me by name, and said, "I'm so glad you're here. That other one gave me dinner and it was still frozen, and she's been outside smoking all evening, and I'm dying of thirst." I went down to the coffee room and bought him a pop and a bag of chips, then sat on the floor for an hour and we talked through the little window in the cell door. He's feeling very sorry for himself, for various reasons, but there's also a realization that he's brought all this on himself, and we talked about that. Although I had been annoyed at being called back to work after already doing a full day of transcribing, it seemed like he really needed to talk. Afterwards, he settled down and went to sleep, and I worked on the baby blanket I'm crocheting (I give them to the income support office, I'm not having any more babies.)

The only problem with working the evening shift is that I end up back home again at midnight, and I can't go to sleep right away. It happened again tonight, the same girl called and talked me into coming in. So here I am. And I'll still be up relatively early, because I like to get to work before eight thirty in the mornings, to clean up after the night shift and make coffee for the day shift. Even though really I don't have to, because making coffee isn't in any of my job descriptions. Oh, well.

I'm almost ready to go. Although I do still need to find one of my black shoes, the only decent pair of shoes I own. I've got one, but its mate is missing. I suspect the dogs. I found my non-Arctic coat, (it's black, goes with the shoes) that I haven't worn since September, and it's filthy. It seems to have been dragged through some mud. This I can't blame on the dogs.

Dad asked the travel agent, and although we are compelled to spend about 14 hours in Fiji on our way to Australia, we are not allowed to leave the airport. Given the snakes that I saw on the last episode of Survivor, I can't say I'm terribly sorry. Hate snakes. Hate 'em.

We had a blizzard today. Very windy. I now need clear skies up here until Saturday, so I can get out safely.

I think that tomorrow night I will stay home.

Saturday night:

Clear. Wind becoming northwest 30 km/h overnight. Low minus 43. Extreme wind chill minus 63.

Ow.

Grannie's funeral was Wednesday. I called and talked to Mum in the evening. Hard day all round.

However, my passport came and I sent off the information, to get my visa for Australia, and then my tickets arrived yesterday. So I guess I'm really going. Maybe it'll be a bit warmer than here. I'm leaving here Friday and staying in Edmonton Friday and Saturday nights, flying to Vancouver Sunday morning to meet Mum and Dad and catch the plane for Fiji. This gives me some leeway if flights get screwed up due to storms. This means that I've got a day to shop in Edmonton, but my list is pretty long. I've got to get a dress for the wedding, I desperately need a haircut, I need some other clothes, too, and books. Definitely need books...

Matthew 11:

25At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

26Even so, Father: for so it seemed good in thy sight.

27All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him.

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

**************************

This is the reading for Grannie's funeral. I like it that they took my suggestion, even though I'm so far away and can't be there....

My mum called Monday at lunch time to say that Grannie passed away. Not unexpected, she's been fading, the last year or so. But still a shock, when it actually happens. I feel lost. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have had a grandparent still in my life at 39, but then again I'd come to think of her as somehow indestructible. That we'd be having her 105th birthday at some point and her jokes about us having to shoot her in the end being true... I wish I could go to the funeral, but it's in England next week and it's just not doable. So, if you think about it, send a little thought out for my dear Grannie. We'll miss her. Graeme and I both figure she's off somewhere playing dominoes with Grandpa now. I hope that's so.